Someone Who Never Fails in Exceeding Expectations
Our firm received a resume the other day from a young "Usability Specialist/Researcher" The problem... we couldn't tell what the person uses and how that is special. Perhaps one of the worst cover letters sent to a graphic design firm that I have ever read follows...
Hello, my name is [name deleted]. I am a highly talented Usability Professional with extensive experience in research and development in the high-tech industry.
I have proven abilities based on my strategic vision and leadership
skills. This is clearly demonstrated over my already remarkable
career history. I unmistakably have the ability to focus on both
broad organizational strategies and specific detailed goals. This
progressive experience, coupled with my education and natural
leadership abilities, makes me a desirable candidate for this
position. I am known as someone who never walks away from a
challenge and, furthermore, someone who never fails in exceeding
expectations.
I am also an innovative professional who has excelled in multifaceted
environments due to my diverse experience. Coupled with my proven
track record and technical acumen, I will certainly be a valuable
asset.
I'm very excited to hear from you and have the opportunity to further
discuss my qualifications in an interview. Please contact me at your
earliest convenience; you can reach me by phone at [phone number deleted], or e-mail me at whubwa@[address deleted].
"Hi...I develop camera lenses for porn films. Are you hiring?"
I have to admit, this letter really stumped me. I like to think I know a lot about the industry I work in but never have I come across or thought i needed a "Usability Professional."
As a matter of habit, we try to send a note to every person who takes the time to send us a resume or correspondence. I have never forgotten how good I felt when I received a hand-penned rejection letter from Tony Aeck at Lord Aeck and Sargent in Atlanta. It's the only one I have ever gotten and it made me think that at least someone took the time to look over my employment materials even though there was no need.
On the flip side, we have experienced a rash of what I call "resume spam." If we are blind-copied instead of being the actual recipient or not mentioned in any way in the email then we are pretty sure our name is part of a resume blast mail campaign. These inbox nuisances go unanswered.
In general, I find all the resumes we receive very flattering. It tells us that other people like our work enough to want to be a part of it. It may be a very long time before we are in a position to take on an employee, but at least I know we are doing something right.
And no, we are not looking for a "camera lens developer." I'm sorry.
I think it would be helpful for this person to be told why their letter full of vague BS does not make them an attractive candidate. Surely other firms think the same thing.