Urine Gone

I'm a creature of habit. Things that stay the same are comforting (albeit not particularly memorable) to me. So each and every weekend my morning deliberately unfolds like clockwork. The glue for this is the Food Network.

Starting at 10:30, I enjoy coffee and Paula Dean's often redneck take on comfort food and entertaining. At 11:00, Sandra Lee makes me cringe in uncomfortable delight as she combines one processed food with another. 11:30 is when I eat my breakfast and scowl at the woman who lots of people love to hate; Rachel Ray. At noon the big-headed beauty Giada De Laurentiis practically fornicates with food in a low-cut blouse and a penchant for erotic pronunciation. 12:30 is when Ina Garten cavalierly picks her way through another meal for her husband and friends. This could go on and on except there are usually things that my wife and I hope to accomplish during the day.

The commercial breaks generally provide a short break to heat up my coffee or have another scone. Pitching things like cars, clothes and other Food Network shows, programming and advertising all blend together into one continuous backdrop. Until last weekend...

The familiar fade to commercial turned sour by an announcer asking "Tired of smelling pet urine?" In a split second my thoughts were turned from the appetizing appeal of apple crisp to that of the unsanitary and smelly. I didn't know what else to do but watch.

Images of embarrassed looking pets, odor-flinching owners and dark stains on carpet took over the airwaves. But wait, the amazing enzymatic action will even remove human urine odor. And to prove it, they brought out the smell visualizing aid of a black light. Pee spatters on the side of a toilet, on a mattress and sofa glowed in putrid purple. Fortunately a few sprays of Urine Gone magically extinguished the offending glimmer and presumably the smell. Can't find the smell in your house? Fortunately Urine Gone comes with its own pee highlighting black light.

And as quick as it began, the ad was gone. Shortly my show returned and as much as I craved the usual weekend normalcy, my Food Network viewing was over for that morning. Pee and food really shouldn't mix.

paul, Oct 4 2005 1:34PM

i have seen that commercial on Food Network channel a couple of months ago. i thought it was the funniest and the most disturbing commercials out there. i hadn't seen it since, i thought they ran out of money to advertise. i'm glad its back can't wait to see it again.

Sandie, Oct 4 2005 2:12PM

The black light is like a modern day devining rod... Now if only pet urine was as valuable as water...