Evan Mann


I purchased my first plunger yesterday. Thusly:

Hardware Store Clerk #1 (conducting transaction): HSC1
Hardware Store Clerk #2 (hanging around, watching paint cans): HSC2
Hardware Store Clerk #3 (actually stocking the paint cans HSC2 is watching): HSC3
Proud Plunger Purchaser (me): PPP

PPP: [after walking into store and being greeted by HSC1] Uh...plungers?

HSC1: [pointing over and back there] Right there.

PPP: [walking towards the floor bin in question] Thanks. Yeah...perfect. Do you have any with the little bellows in the bottom?

HSC3: the bottom of the one you're holding...hmpher...flip it out...hmfpger.

PPP: Oh yeah. This is it.

HSC1: [upon my arrival at the transaction counter with a shiny new plunger] $6.51. [while hand-writing a receipt for said item] Do you want a bag?

PPP: No way. I'm gonna carry this thing proudly down the street.

HSC2: [after watching things unfold] NO NO NO. What you gotta do is THIS: [grabs plunger, raises above head in Olympic torch fashion, and simulates jogging towards the door] "SEE YA IN VANCOUVER!"

HSC1: [Laughing, handing over change] Have a good day.

PPP: [pocketing change and heading towards the door and HSC2 who's still holding the plunger] Thanks, likewise.

HSC2: [seeing me coming] gotta PASS THE TORCH [continuing towards the door].

PPP: OK... [lapping him before the door, grabbing plunger, raising above head while passing through the door to the sidewalk] GOT IT.

HSC2: [emerging onto sidewalk behind me, bending over and grabbing knees in exhausted heavy breathing] GO GO GO, USA.

PPP: [continuing down sidewalk, humming Olympics theme with plunger held high] USA.

I turn in time to see HSC2 lift up from his exhaustion and throw his hands above his head in a victory symbol while walking back into the store. It finally felt like spring in New York.