Wasting time until death
Paul Pereira

Sometime I get tired of life.

The mind-numbing monotonous daily routines - the efforts that go unappreciated. Or is it just the feeling that I'm wasting time. These past two weeks it seems as though my creativity has left my body. I don’t have the patience to sit at my desk and draw. I don’t have the patience to pick up the camera and take a photo or just think of things I want to be doing. I feel defeated, I feel broken, I feel beaten, and I feel demolished. My brain has given up on me; it has moved on, it doesn’t want to think anymore. I don’t dream anymore and if per chance I do it usually centers around my job, how depressing. Does it get any better? Is there any break in this choking cloud that has surrounded me and is slowly choking my very life, my very existence. Why do I continue each day I know the outcome it’s the same outcome every day. Why do I routinely torture myself? What is money is pride is it defeat? I don’t know anymore what I do know is I’m sick. I’m sick and tired of feeling angry, frustrated and sad. I just want to get off this ride and hitchhike somewhere else. I just want to jump onto a freight train and start over where ever the train will stop. I really want to stop this and try something completely different and maybe just maybe I will find happiness and be excited to get up everyday. Change is coming for me and soon. I am going to pick a date soon and if my life has not changed by that date… I will change my life and quit my job and start new somewhere else. Promise to myself.