Fat Cat Nicknames
Mark Sanders

I once was a skinny, pale and shy boy living in Mississippi who walked a little funny (or so they said). And for some reason I have always been a magnet for nicknames. Perhaps a single name (and a generic name at that) just isn't enough to communicate the depth and complexity of who I really am. Or maybe I'm just funny looking and easy to poke fun at. Either way, folks have branded me Ghost, Stick, Shithead, Brick, Sandman, Sanders, Marky, the Spark and many others. Some have stuck, some have been replaced and some have hurt my feelings but I can't deny the impact they have had on how I approach the names of others.

I think this might be the reason I subconsciously use multiple names for people and animals. When I was a kid I had a cat named Muffin (well, actually it was Muffin 2) that I always casually referred to as Bud. I have branded my nephews Little Man or Dude. I've even taken to calling my own mother D at times. I guess being called a lot of names makes a person give out a lot of names.

With that in mind, for the first time ever I offer an annotated exploration of each of my cat Chrissy's nicknames.

the basics







she's overweight

Fat Cat (thanks to our Korean landlord)

Flabby Tabby

Heavy P

she has a big butt



she is cute

Cutey Booty

her sleeping posture



her ability to act as furniture


her angry disposition

Baroness von Crankpants

Señorita Crankpants

Meany Queeny

Furious Orange

Fascist Clay

her no-nonsense attitude

Chrissy Chrisdemeanor

Chrissy E.

her hairball removal technique

Pukesy McSpew

Baroness von Upchuck

as a family and bed divider

Mighty Chrississippi

Continental Poovide

the exotic

El Gatto